Imposter syndrome is real, y’all.
I say that not as a throwaway line but because I mean it. Even after everything I have accomplished, there are days I sit down at my desk and wonder if I am actually doing enough, being enough, achieving enough. It sneaks in quietly. It does not care how many books you have written or how many readers have told you a story changed their life. It just sits there like an ugly little office troll.
One of the things that helps me is writing down goals. Not for anyone else. Just for me. There are lists all over my office. Some are a reminder that there is still more I want to do, more I am reaching for, more that excites me about this career I have built from the ground up.
I normally keep those lists private. Vulnerability is hard. Sharing dreams before they happen feels risky in a way I cannot fully explain.
But I looked at this list recently and thought… maybe sharing it is the point. Maybe someone else needs to see that even an author with a career full of checkmarks still has a bucket list a mile long. Still gets nervous. Still wants things. Is still thirsty for more. Still feels like an imposter who needs to gather more accomplishments to prove herself.
So here it is.
What I Have Already Checked Off
These are the wins I have to actively remind myself to be proud of:
- Book signings
- Author panels
- Awards
- Traditional publishing deals
- Dinner with readers
- Millions of copies sold
- My own direct store
- Pillow Fighter merch
- Getting letters from readers
- Giving a speech
- NYT Bestseller
- USA Today Bestseller
- Arts grants recipient
- Extra on Z Nation (refugee, not zombie — the zombie dream lives on)
- Climbed Mayan temples in Belize (that was cool)
That list is not nothing. On the hard days, I come back to it.
What Is Still On the List
This is the part that excites me and terrifies me in equal measure:
- Live reading event
- Extra Pretty Pretty Print Hardbacks
- Movie from one of my books
- Cameo in that movie (obviously)
- Be a zombie in a horror film (this one is very important to me)
- Brag to my brother that I was a zombie in a horror film and he wasn’t.
- Have a food named after me (please)
- Talk show appearance
- Sign at Comic Con
- Have a reader cosplay one of my characters
- A fan tattoo moment
- Sign books at a castle (because… obviously)
- Write a book in a haunted location for “research”
- Get a cake made of one of my book covers
- Finally be flooded with cupcakes and/or brownies (the dream lives on, pretty please)
- See a stranger on a plane reading one of my books without knowing who I am
- In-person Pillow Fighter slumber party event
- Sign books outside the US
- Travel the world — all of it
Some of these scare me. Some of them make me laugh every time I read them. All of them are real.
Why I Am Sharing This
Because goals are funny things. They shrink when you keep them locked up and they grow when you say them out loud.
And because if you are reading this and you have your own list sitting in a notebook somewhere, maybe today is the day you let it breathe a little.
What is on your author bucket list? Or your life bucket list? I genuinely want to know.
Drop it in the comments over at my Instagram post. We are doing this together.
Love, Michelle 💕
